anime wolf boy @jackaljag@mastodon.at

thinking abt how even on the french side of the fam i've got uncles who fled spain under franco or who came from armenia and hrm. is this just a large family thing or do we just love trauma. why am i making everything about myself.

im pretty sure when my docs says theyre worried abt my psychological stability what they mean is theyre scared im gonna kms and covering their asses, but that only proves theyre idiots bc why tf would i die knowing i would be buried under my girl name

i guess the one good thing abt yesterdays mess is that i feel less Fake abt the whole ASD thing if the docs are taking it seriously enough for it to block everything lol

have the nagging suspicion that if i ever do get a proper asd dx its going to be hell bc france is like. widely known to be absolute shit at autism and im 🙃 bc lol can u imagine when its time to try and get approved for top surgery when theyre already giving me the runaround for hrt

i have like 4 different friends who started looking into getting hormones a year after i did and who are already several months into it and it feels sooo shitty even if im happy for them!!!

i am so fucking terrified the psych is going to decide she hasnt seen me enough to be comfortable allowing me to get HRT i get kinda nauseous whenever i think about it too long lol... id kill for anything remotely looking like the informed consent mode

its very weird seeing james on my tl bc im p sure their partners tumblr is what made me trans. that was like 6yrs ago. the internet is so fucking small.

really love how the guy i met my one year in bio and only have seen twice irl in the last 5 years is more considerate & respectful of my gender than 99% of my family who i see weekly

how do i find datefriends in this godforsaken country.. should i just put out an ad... "will look cute for you to pet my hair. must be ok with cats and ideally get along w my other partners"

another great bioware crime is how cassandra canonically can set fire to the lyrium in ppls blood but she never got to show it off. what the hell. let my wife incinerate templars from the inside

honestly art randomly appearing in my replies to dash my shipping to bits was wild. at least when austin made me sad abt samot & death it was bc i @'d him

i hate that i keep getting the urge to find some dude to fuck me like why cant i be less abjectly subby or more into girls aughhhhhhhh

caught up on my dash here from the past couple days and 😬

tfw im team toppy samot but the only things i can think abt maybe writing are w samothes topping like wtf @ brain

i hate how whenever i go looking at bdsm-related like... dating/hooking up stuff all the dommy ppl ever seem to be able to comprehend is sub femme ppl... the last two i tried to play were warned beforehand and still misgendered me like twice mid-scene like??? who do i need to murder to get someone cool to boss me around

my personal Formative furry shit was jack london books... i read call of the wild & white fang so many times they had it all.... dog pov... violence... death... explains a lot abt me really

i dont?? know??/ what im doing??? someone help hadrian and also me https://mastodon.at/media/6ZxiavfG7Wc1_AxjiaI

i just realized one could technically make anything happen in a fic and handwave it as aciddental pattern magic??? this is too much power

im like constantly torn btwn sharing tiny bits bc i live on validation and saving them for Maximum Impact whenver its done and i unleash it upon the world. i cant even imagine how longfic writers cope with their life

@ self could u stop being so goddamn self conscious abt ur fic... its ok if its self indulgent as fuck and barely au and just an excuse to write fraught shit... live ur best life.....